so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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