dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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