fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
