Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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