Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
