Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
