I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we made out on top of his cat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
