I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize