god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
