you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
