They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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