need another drink. this is the easiest way
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
