Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
