i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
