Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
