there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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