Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
time to smoke my breakfast
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
