oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize