Apparently you make a good broom.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
