Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
