he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
