my vag is so smooth its legendary
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
