Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize