peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
