my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
