you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you never un-have a 4some
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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