Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
