I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
