everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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