just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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