well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
