omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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