he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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