I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
