so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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