so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
