That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
