He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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