I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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