I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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