on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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