My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
