Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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