Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
