Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
love makes seman taste better
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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