That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
