I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize