the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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