Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
