I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
