I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
