Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
