My room smells like vodka and shame
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
