I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
