Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize