So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
