Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
