Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
