She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
