It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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