Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
