Sry I called you an 8
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
