No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
