I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
