I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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