i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
even my farts smell like vagina
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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