His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Life is so much better after having sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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