My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
