why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
