It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
