Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
