yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i've created a new STD.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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