I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize