You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
