I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
