I want to have your abortion
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
