I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
