ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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