I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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