Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
