I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
