12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
