Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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