when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
