She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize