i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
