I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
