omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
