bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
