butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
