just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
