Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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