Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
