So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
