Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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