I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
